Arrogant Kanika

I am Kanika, ordinary girl with a petite body with above average looks. If I will start from the scratch then I will say I was born in a rich family who had high living standard;

I grew in love and care and with a huge cushion of money, as a result some kind of arrogance came in my nature, which was also somewhat like inherited, from my father. Life moved on like that and I never realized this fact that my criteria to look at people was not right, my measures were how rich is that person,

whether he or she has that level or not also the appearance and looks of that person and obviously the style he or she had and because of this haughtiness I had very few friends and more over I never had any best friend, I had boyfriend in my collage and my relation continued with him for some time, even after collage.

As I said I was born in a rich family and fortunately money flourished with time, I never faced any struggle to get anything, and I was far away from the real life circumstances. I finished my studies and did professional course of my choice, and as expected not a single hurdle came on that way.

I was most pampered child of my family of four, mom dad and elder brother and there was nobody who would have made me understand that exactly what life is, although couple of times my mom tried to point out my arrogance towards people, but I got shelter from my dad. And because of this I was happy in my completion, and never gave any value to anybody except those who belong to my level and style.

As I moved further and my principals got stronger or I can say my misunderstandings about life and world increased, and I never realized my mistakes. As I said I had boyfriend during my graduation and in that period couple of times we had sex but somehow that relation came to an end still I was happy within myself and this conceit grew along with me.

I finish my professional course and just to evaluate myself and to prove myself I looked for a job and from here my struggle started. As such for me money was not the issue, so in the beginning I never realized any importance of anything neither money nor work and I changed many jobs.

At some places I got a hint that this organization doesn’t need me and at few places I felt that this company doesn’t deserve me. Like that time passed but I never saw a single mistake in myself. Soon a question of marriage came in front of me at that time my age was around 25 and I was not ready for that, I wanted to live free with my principals and thoughts, I wanted no such ties in my life,

may be it was my superiority complex, who was holding me in my own world, but I did not had any single excuse to defend myself to my parents, and moreover I never got settled in any job so the issue of my marriage got unavoidable and I had few talks with my parents in this context. I tried to convince them that I had to stand on my own,

and I want to know my value but as I said I was very inconsistent in jobs and they knew this fact so they had better argument but after lot of discussion, issue was resolved with a condition that I have to prove myself by doing consistent job for sometime. I got the job and again it was not of the kind which I like but I decided to do that,

I had to work under the assistance of a man who was in his mid thirties. His name was Jayant and he was the man who really changed my perspective. He was very ordinary looking, very casual and simple. In first sight he was a kind of a person whom I avoided through out my life. Although he was my superior in every way, I mean age,

work experience and salary but according to me he was not at all like he should be and because of this superiority complex I wanted to reject this job proposal. But half heatedly I joined that company. Basically the organization I joined was not of this city, Jayant was looking after the branch of that company in this city and I was working under him.

I was head of department and had specific work to look after which was involved with lot of skilled labor handling and I that was the last thing I needed from my professional life. And truly speaking I joined that company under pressure to prove myself. Initially for few weeks I never talked to him except work.

He always talked to me with smile on his face but I never responded, rather I never greeted him even good morning on first meeting of the day. Slowly I got involved with work, but it was not at all the work I like and moreover in my office I found not a single person with whom I can compare myself, and because of few more reasons I started facing same problem which I was facing in all previous jobs,

people who were working under me started responding negatively and slowly I was getting frustrated from every thing because of this. I use to get angry on small things and some times I abused few workers for there inefficiency. And because of this, workers complained about me to Jayant, but he never talked to me about that and he made them understand and resolved there matter from his end.

Today when I think about, my that behavior I feel so embarrassing. I feel, at that time some kind of vehemence was driving me and I was living in some kind of hell. I was having some kind of personality clash with Jayant and many times I felt that he knew this, but his reaction was zero in response.

Like that time passed but not much, I was frustrated with a kind of work but I had to do the job, so somehow I continued. I remember one ordinary incident which took place in that period, one of the workers who were working under me asked for a day off, but I refused without giving any value to his reason behind, because I had a deadline for some work.

But he insisted again and again but I refused every time, and some where I lost my temperament and abused him in English, my this act took a somewhat serious turn and that worker got ready to leave the job, and while screaming he went to Jayant. I was just watching them from distance through a glass partition, I could not hear anything,

Jayant was talking to him and in a minute or two he took out some money from his pocket and gave him, I could see that he has granted his leave and moreover he has given money as advance. I just went mad and as soon as that worker went out I moved to his cabin to ask that why he granted his leave.

When I entered he looked up and smiled, but I was in very strange mood, I was angry but I controlled myself and even after that my tone was bit harsh, I asked him the reason why he granted his leave, after knowing that we are already short of time to meet the deadline. He just said that he had a genuine problem, his wife was not well and there is nobody at his house except his 5 year old daughter.

In almost same manner I asked him now how we will be able to finish the work till tomorrow morning. He just said “I don’t know let’s see what I will do”. It was the most careless answer I was expecting from him, and I felt like screaming, but he was my senior. I was about to move out of his cabin when that worker appeared again with one of his co-worker,

and said that this second guy will work in the next shift too and he tried to convince Jayant that in any case, they will finish the piece till tomorrow morning. Jayant just said ok with a smile. It was somewhat like shock to me, and just before leaving the cabin that worker said sorry to me for his misbehavior, and it was another shock for me, I was bit embarrassed too,

and as I stood up to move out of his cabin, he just said, “ don’t worry, we will deliver it tomorrow”. And we did that. Truly speaking friends this incident made me realize that there is always another way, sometimes we don’t consider that path. It’s a matter of perspective, the way you look at things and nothing else.

Jayant was so calm and so simple in talking to the people and mostly I saw him speaking a real good Hindi. I realized that his calmness was playing an important role in his success, and I found myself just opposite. Particularly from that day I started observing his way of work and I saw many of these examples, in which I realized that Jayant has taken a simpler way,

and solved the problem which I would have not taken, and from that day unknowingly I came into a learning phase and this changed my nature, I remember at few places I took his way to solve the problem and it worked almost every time. Don’t know how and when I became friendly with workers, and I realized that there tone of speaking with me changed positively.

All these things were happening gradually and I could not see them happening. My behavior towards my domestic servants also changed and Many times I got compliment from my parents that my attitude has changed a lot and now I behave mature. Apart from Jayant’s way of work, I started observing him in other way,

he was average looking guy with reasonable health and now his calmness, his simplicity seemed his style to me. Many times I stopped myself from this but my thoughts were not in my control. For me it was really strange, that I was thinking about somebody who was not at all at my living standard, although he was getting more than half a lack in salary,

almost double than mine but nobody could guess this from his gesture. His dressing sense, his life style was very ordinary, and sometimes I saw him eating snacks which labor class has in there tea break. Like that time passed and along with his thoughts I got more involved in work.

Some times I use to get late in work, and my parents looked for the solution for that, because distance between my work place and residence was quite long, although I had car but still for my parents it was a matter of concern. Soon this matter was also resolved because my dad had a vacant flat in a very good apartment, closer to my work place,

so he made it ready for me and now during work season, sometimes I use to stay there, it was hardly a 5-6 km drive from my work place. Time moved and we started talking to each other casually and friendly, many times we had lunch together, and during lunch he told me about few of his foolish acts which happened because of inexperience.

Once or twice he told me few of his past experiences keeping his life’s incidents in measure, by saying that this particular thing happened before his marriage, and like that I came to know that he was a married man. One thing which I observed that he always ordered his lunch outside and never bought a food from his home. It’s a small thing but it took my attention.

Slowly I was getting addicted of office premises, work, Jayant and every thing happening in my work place. I started helping my colleagues in there work, which were far away from me few months back. Sometimes I use to sit with people of accounts and stockroom and I realized that everybody has some quality, and it was my mistake that I never saw them.

Like that I got friendly with my other colleagues and unknowingly the wall of my perception of measuring people from there living standards was disappearing. I was getting more and more into work and time passed further. Everyday by the end of the day Jayant use to carry the whole cash to his house, but now he started sharing this responsibility with me, and couple of time I carried cash to my place,

he trusted me for this and I really liked that. All in all every thing was moving smooth and first time in my life I was enjoying life and work together. Sometimes on Saturdays I use to stay at my flat without any reason, may be just to spend time with myself. Sometimes I came to office on Sundays also, when we had lot of work, but I never saw Jayant in office in off days,

rather I noticed that in every month he was missing for at least 2-3 days. Don’t know why unintentionally I was observing small things related to Jayent, I was bit curious to know more about him, but I never asked him about his personal life. Once I had a little chat with peon about Jayant and he told me that Jayant is associated with this company from very long time and he was originally working with the mother company.

When they opened a branch here in this city, they shifted Jayant here because he was the most trust worthy for the owners of the company. Like that I came to know few small things about him and somewhere Jayant started occupying my mind, and I started having desire to sit with him in my free time, but I never gathered that courage. I don’t know what was that, love, attraction or something else.

Couple of times we attended customer together and cracked good deals, but that was not enough for me, I knew that he is married even then I started liking him and his company, more I got of him more I desired. It was really strange feeling for a girl who was living in his own metalistic world and perceptions till now. I never knew that what is love till today,

I use to read and hear about people’s extra marital affairs, and truly speaking at that time, I laughed on those people especially who knew that there partner is already married. And now I was on the way to join that group. Some kind of sexual urge was rising in me but I suppressed every thing, I saw it as a sin and tried to divert my mind,

but as we know dreams and desires are born in the human mind, but the rules that govern them, are made by a social system that sometimes questions human nature and our rational. I was facing these questions within myself; it was some kind of tussle which was driving me crazy.

I started liking living alone and started using my separate accommodation more frequently, but somewhere this loneliness was also killing me. Almost a year back I was sexually involved with my ex-boyfriend, and I had an experience of sexual pleasure, because of that I was even more restless.

Loneliness of a sexually experienced girl is much more killing than of a virgin, so I was dying and this feeling has its own pleasure. My mind was choked with just one thought and I was struggling with myself. My world of thoughts was getting smaller and smaller, and it was moving just around Jayant and me.

I started stealing his glance and intentionally raised some matters to discuss, so that I can spend some time with him, either in my cabin or at his place. Like that time moved a bit, I was working with Jayant and his company from more than six months and I was drastically changed and my parents really liked this change in me and praised me.

Once or twice they raised a question of marriage but I ignored, and they never forced me. I was falling in love with Jayant, even after knowing the fact that he is married, intentionally or unintentionally I was spending good time with him, but I never tried go give him a hint about my feeling. I can say I was getting closer and closer to him within myself and he was living his life casually.

I never asked him about his personal life, about his wife or children and I never got a hint of them from his conversation. I never saw him making personal calls, as everyone does in office hours. I was living in some kind of dreamland, it was totally one sided thing, and I was happy with that only.

Like that time moved and accidentally something happened, something which lightened Jayant’s fact of life. It was Saturday and Jayant was on leave and he was in touch of me and other colleagues through phone. As the day came to an end, I received a call from him that I had to carry the cash to my place.

For me it was ordinary thing but this time it was huge amount of around 3 to 4 lacks and I was bit hesitant to do that, because I had to go home which was very far from here. So he requested me to carry the cash to his place, which was not at all far from this place, hardly 3 to 4 km. I agreed, I took his address and asked my peon about the way to reach that place.

He guided me, because he was the one who was frequent traveler between office and his residence, to give him important papers whenever he was on leave. It was Saturday and Jayant was not in office so everybody packed up early and after shutting down I moved to his residence. I reached there with in 15 minutes.

It was an ordinary house and he was living on rent, I ranged the bell, and a well matured lady opened the door, she was his maid servant, she asked me my concern, I asked for Jayant, she welcomed me and raised her hand at particular corner, I saw Jayant was sitting on his knees and he was having a big bowl and a spoon in his hand and he was feeding somebody who was sitting on wheel chair.

My heart started beating; I could not see the person who was sitting on wheel chair, as wheel chair was partially behind something. I moved toward him and came closer to him; he saw me and stood up, he was in bit of surprise may be because I was little early, but he reacted positively, by saying hello and offered me a seat in drawing room, which was on the entrance of the hall.

I was standing in there dining area and as I moved my eyes to see that person, I got scared. It was a lady with very frightening face and suffering from a very strange disease. I cannot explain what I saw at that time in words as I am falling short of vocabulary to express my mind state of that particular moment.

She was so thin and skinny almost having only bones, her head was moving in weird way towards left in frequent intervals, her hands and legs were stretched straight, her face was full of aging marks and there were big round black circles below her eyes, and she was in some kind of semiconscious state, she was trying to say something but she could not speak anything,

there was just her voice with no meaning, because her lips were also not in her control. For me It was very strange feeling, at that particular moment, I felt like running away from there, but I could not move. My heart was beating so high, for few seconds I was jammed mentally and physically,

somewhere from inside a voice came “no, she cannot be his wife” and in a next moment Jayant’s voice took me back in reality, “she is my wife Pooja”. I don’t know what I was thinking at that time, she seemed like a living dead body to me and that dead body was his wife. I noticed his maid servant was standing beside me with a glass of water in a tray,

Jayant offered me water and handed over bowl of food to the maid, and took me to his drawing room. I was in utter shock and my throat was choked with my own saliva. I sipped bit of water from the glass, it was so difficult to gulp even that. I handed over him a bag of cash and asked him if I can leave and he just said ok.

I think he guessed my mind state and did not asked for anything like tea or coffee. I don’t know when I reached my home which was more then 35 km away from that place. I was lost somewhere, her scary face was floating in my eyes and I was unable to divert my mind. I spent whole night like that and slept very late, that night I cried a bit, don’t know why.

I was at home for the whole Sunday and everything was normal, apparently I was enjoying weekend with my parents but somewhere something was pinching me, I was depressed and again in the night when I was alone with my thoughts and I was very uneasy. Next morning when I reached office, Jayant was working in his cabin,

I wished him through glass and went straight to my cabin and involved myself in work. Peon came with a cup of tea and with some hesitation asked me, did I visited Jayant’s place on Saturday, I said yes, and asked him why he is asking this question, he asked me again, did I met his wife, with a choked voice I just hummed. He just left without saying a word.

When he came back to pick the empty cup I asked him, from when his wife is suffering from this disease, he said he doesn’t know but she is suffering at least from the day he has seen her like this, that is more than 3 years, and she is losing continuously.